TODO - Clean up the answers - this is a mess
Student ID: that’s Dave J. Johnson, the J stands for Joe, my mom wasn’t a very creative lady if you get what I mean harhar my old neighbor Rosie actually told me she wanted to name me Anthony, do I look like an Anthony to you?! I wouldn’t have made it one day in this world with that name, Anthony, ha! Can you imagine an old fella like myself in an uppity suit “hello my name is Anthony J. Johnson, the J stands f-” oh what were you saying?
Date of birth/Age: 21 years young - sorry I’m 58 harhar
Sex/Gender: do I have to answer this? Aw. well the last time I had sex was with my ex-wif- oh. You mean like male? Yeah male
Preferred pronouns: what’s a pronoun? Note: Mr Johnson seems to refer to himself as “he/him”
Race: I used to be a big fan of NASCAR back in the day but I ain’t watched one since ‘97
Nationality/Origin: Aw yeah baby that’s American born and raised!
Height: 5’5, 1.67m
Weight: 116.8 pounds, 53kg
Electi ability: Previous tests have indicated that Mr. Johnson is able to see levels of concentration of microorganisms on surfaces.
Ability description: Well I mean I been able to see how dirty things are since I was a kid. At first my mom thought I was just colorblind but then we realised that for some reason it was much worse when I went into the bathroom or into Rosie’s house. I mean you should’ve seen that! Her house would light up like a firework on the 4th of July, honestly almost as much as your hands right now I tell you it was so bright in there I’d close my eyes and start crying and my mom would always yell at me about how rude it was but what was I supposed to do? I didn’t know what it meant back then and the glow scared me. Oh sorry, but yes later I figured out that the more something glows, the more likely I was to get sick. I used to play in the mud a lot as kid you know and my mom always said I’m a smart fella so I put the 2 and 2 together harhar.
Visual description: they voted me for Miss Nebraska once harharhar!
Note: Mr Johnson has disheveled medium length white hair, brown eyes, a thick white mustache, and a lanky build. During the interview he wore a tshirt reading “I chose the fish”, and cargo shorts. Mr. Johnson refused to explain the meaning of the shirt, citing “ya know.. An old fella like me has been through a lot in life harhar”
Background: born and raised in Nebraska baby… except for that one time we moved to Kentucky because of my ex-wife, she was an odd one, she was crazy but I mean CRAZY man you know what I mean? Me? Oh I was homeschooled for most of my life, my mom did what she could bless her heart but I never been no spring chicken. And I know she wasn’t good at the maths either, it was the blind leading the blind in that house harhar. But we went to church a lot and I learned a lot there and life was good. Have you ever seen one of them flying saucers? Joe and I used to go out to the air base and count how many we’d see in one night, he’d bring the beers and I’d bring the holy water, you know how it goes! Harhar. One time we saw two of them at the same time it was-
Mr. Johnson doesn’t appear too inclined to share any more pertinent information, so I’m stopping the recording here.